Warning: I'm not going to spill deep dark secrets. I realize you like to keep tabs on me. I realize this is a public blog but please- STOP READING IT! I get angry at you guys. I will vent here. In fact, I'm about to. So take this as a warning, if you think you might be offended by what I say- then please stop reading this right now. You have been warned.
Ok. So, how was my day today? Pretty bad, actually. It started out OK, Mom told me to drive to church. I went,'Sure, whatever. You've been really stressed lately. That's cool.' So I get in the car, I do a crappy stop then do pretty well. I get to church and it's REALLY CROWDED IN THAT PARKING LOT.
Let's get this straight- I suck at parking. Honestly, people know this. MY MOTHER KNOWS THIS. Well, apparently we both figured I could pull it off- so I pulled in. I did a horrible job, so Mom tells me to pull out and try again. In the process of this I manage to hit our rearview mirror against the car next to us.
I stop, and Mom makes me stop driving (understandably). I feel horrible, and Mom tells me it happens to everyone.
So, I start to feel better. I go to church, then we go to take Christmas pictures. All is good, we're messing around when I find this weird drag down thing on my phone. I'm confused so when Stu comes I go up to ask him about it. He explains it to me and I thank him, then turn to go back in line.
"Is that all you have to say to me?"He asks. At this point, the whole car thing was at the back of my mind, mainly because next to no damage was done. I dented the other car a bit, but the guy who owned it had a high schooler so he understood. I broke the plastic on our rearview mirror, but no so much that it was impossible to use. So I kind of look at him and say,"Yes?" Then he turns sort of calm and stares at me,"You wrecked my car and that's all you have to say?"
I kind of laughed, because it's Stu. He's never serious. So I grin and say,"I whacked the suburban, but I can always go wreck your truck." Then I go back to get in line. He started getting really pissed at that point and calls me back and starts at me. Generally, if he'd talked normally I would have apologized for joking and for the car. Yet, instead he starts yelling. So I did apologize for the car, and then he just yells some more that I'm 'not sincere'.
I don't do well when people start yelling at me. So, I start getting mad to. Then he lays claim to everything in the house. Which just pissed me off, because I think that there are two ways families work. Everything is shared, or ownership is clear. Ours has always seemed to be the second, in all aspects. So the fact that he starts claiming everything just sent me flying. So I got even madder. Especially since I ALREADY APOLOGIZED.
I ask him what he wants me to do her and his answer is, and I quote,'I want you to act like you give a damn.' In my head I was thinking,'Fuck! I already apologized!' but of course, I can't cuss out loud at him so I just say,'I can pay for the plastic, if you want.' Then suddenly it's 'money doesn't solve everything.'
I think he just wanted to yell, to be honest.
So we stopped the conversation and we took the Christmas pictures. Then, in the true Christmas spirit, we head to get a christmas tree from Home Depot. So, while Mom and Stu are busy venting about me and my issues, I watch the children. That means making sure a 5 year-old, 9 year-old, and 10-year old, are all SAFE AND UNDER CONTROL. So I had to chase after the 9 year-old and track down the 10 year-old all while holding a crying heavy child who wanted 'Momma'.
Suffice it to say, I was getting pretty dang annoyed by the time Mom came back. She starts talking to me and, of course, the first sentence out of her mouth is <insert drumroll>,"You should apologize to your father." Of course, I was expecting the whole 'apologize' thing. Really, though, they should know by now that I do not think of Stu as my father. I, quite frankly, don't want and don't think I need a father and I'm perfectly happy having Stu in my life as,'My Mother's Husband'.
So that sets me off, but by this point I am so done having that conversation with them because this is what it get me- OBVIOUSLY he is your father, Zeeta. He does all the fatherly things and you think of him as a father, too. You just don't know it because- Oh, this part right here? It's my favorite. -you're just a teenager.
*claps* *bows* That line will forever haunt me, I believe. You're just a teenager. Really? I may be between the ages of 13 and 19 but I still have a brain and common sense. I know how I think. I know what my emotions are. I know my relations with people. I'm not five, I can handle myself, thank you.
So, now I'm in this tug-of-war where I almost feel like the mature one.
Which is sad. It's just sad that I'm acting more mature than them. Honestly, I can't apologize every time my parents are inconsiderate and don't think about what they are saying. OF COURSE I'LL GET MAD IF YOU START GETTING PISSED AT ME FOR APOLOGIZING! OF COURSE I'LL GET MAD IF YOU INSIST SOMEONE IS MY FATHER! IT'S COMPLETELY OBVIOUS!
Is it just me? Am I the only one who understands this? I mean, damn it! Can't they just think these things through for once!
Ugh. I'm done ranting now. I'm going to listen to Pink.
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| This is me. Beware. |
Zeeta
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